This may sound simplistic or naive but here it is: if you're ever stuck in an argument about something that is in past-tense, try to change the issue so that you're discussing something that is future-tense.
So, for example, if someone forgot to bring something, don't worry about what happened. Focus on how to move forward: future-tense. How do we solve the problem going forward?
The guys probably know what I'm talking about.
Shalom,
Peter
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